Following recent controversy that a Speedway track may not be included in the concept, a spokesperson has exclusively revealed to The Cockermouth Standard that the proposed stadium will be all encompassing and cover a wide range of sports. Rugby League, Football, Uppies-and-Downies, Speedway, Mud-wrestling and seasonal bog snorkelling will all be available at the new Mark Fryer Workington Community Stadium.
An overly excitable spokesperson stated “We have listened to the community and will continue to listen to everyone in the community who supports the stadium. Speedway will of course be accommodated. As will use of the periodic inevitable flooding of the stadium and surrounding areas for the historic Cumbrian pursuits of bog snorkelling and Cumberland and Westmorland Mud Wrestling.”
An artists impression of the new stadium in seasonal bog snorkelling mode
The potential cost of the new multi-purpose stadium is expected to be in the order of £15m. Local curmudgeon and self-proclaimed man of the people David Felcher has raised concerns with the council about their plans.
“It’s a disgrace” exhaled a barbecued pork chops coloured Felcher, “not only is it 100% certain that this facility will flood between now and 2150 but they’re only accommodating pathetic sports like rugby league and football. Where’s the accommodation for the pigeon fanciers? It’s going to be paid for by the Cockermothian taxpayer this monstrosity, where’s our benefit?”
With respect to the siting of the new stadium Felcher has other concerns “Why isn’t it up at Moorclose? Surely that’ll stop that lad up there banging on about there being nowt to do every five minutes. That might be worth the £15million just to shut him up? I’ll be letting Allerdale know my views, but again they are discriminating against us salt of the earth pigeon fanciers - apparently they won’t accept messages sent by pigeon.”
The Allerdale spokesperson addressed some of Mr. Felchers concerns stating “We are not closed minded in this consultation other than to people who don’t want it to be built or want it built anywhere other than the site identified. Also, we can’t accept communications dispatched by pigeon for health and safety reasons - some of our Conservative councillors may try to hunt them and we can’t afford any more windows being shot out.”
