Cockermouth Round Table, Maryport Round Table and Workington and Derwent Rotary members have brought Santa to visit many of the areas towns and villages for many years, but more and more people are getting increasingly frustrated by these volunteers not going to every single door personally.
“It’s a disgrace” vents red-nosed self proclaimed man-of-the-people David Felcher, “these clubs are filled with offcomers and they don’t even have the common decency to drive their sleigh down my cul-de-sac down the bottom end of Slatefell Drive. Apparently the common hardworking man isn’t worthy of a visit from Santa. Apparently I should have took my grandkids out in the cold wind and rain to stand at the road end for 45 seconds. Well screw that! I haven’t paid my council tax for all these years to be treated like a second class citizen! It’s not as though there are parked cars down both sides of the road. They’re down the middle as well. Can these feckless lot not tow a caravan?!”
Santa - Not knock, knock, knocking on people’s doors
A spokesperson for the Society Against Nastiness, Trolling and Abuse of Clubs Looking to Amuse Universal Society (SANTACLAUS) said “Every year service clubs invest considerable time and effort away from their families to spread some Christmas cheer and raise funds for their local communities. Despite the huge sacrifices made by these people they often get trolled on Fyassbewk or Twatter because “they didn’t come down my street” or “they only come when I’m at work” or “when are you doing my road” for the seven-hundred and ninety millionth time.”
But local community activist Charlene Tinseltits is having none of it “These bloody do-gooders refuse to come down my lane. I’ve PM’d their Fyassbewk page about seven thousand times and I’ve never had a bloody dicky bird back. 24 hours notice isn’t good enough eh. Some of us might have a client round. I need to make sure I round up the kids from their various dads. Santa isn’t the only ho-ho-ho in this neighbourhood. Self righteous prick.”
The SANTACLAUS spokesperson had a message for Ms. Tinseltits “On behalf of SANTACLAUS, I wish to apologise to Ms. Tinseltits. How dare our volunteer organisations not provide an individual service to every single person in the whole universe. In recompense, we have instructed a personal visit from our local volunteer club with their Santa sleigh to personally deliver the sack full of coal she obviously deserves. Won’t be the last time a fat bloke empties his sack in her living room. Merry Christmas.”
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