MARYPORT DEATH STAR FUNDING ROW

MARYPORT COUNCILLORS are being accused of misleading the public over who has paid for an art installation known locally as the “Maryport Death Star”.

The installation on Maryport harbour side has left locals wondering how much it cost local taxpayers as whether it has a sinister undertone.

“Well it looks like the bloody Death Star” said Maryport local Phil McCracken, “a Death Star made of stainless steel and lit up like a bloody Christmas tree. The only thing Maryport about it is them flags - they look like they’ve been installed by a lad frae bangla whose had too much from his magic herb garden.”

Town councillors were at odds to reassure the public that Maryport residents had not paid for the installation. According to our sources, a hoodie clad blood stained tissue laden nostriled, Coun Peter Kendall, told Maryport Town Council this week that “Maryport residents haven’t paid for the new Maryport monument - it was funded by Allerdale.”

Coun McCarron-Holmes (left) and Coun Peter Kendall officially open the Maryport Death Star (only one is wearing a costume)

Local Government expert and self proclaimed man of the people David Felcher contacted The Cockermouth Standard to set the record straight; “It’s a disgrace! Misleading the taxpayers like this, of course Maryport folk paid for the stainless steel Death Star - if the money came from Allerdale - it will have been paid for by the people of Allerdale and last time I checked Maryport hadn’t declared itself an independent republic?”

The £9000 artwork is currently subject to a naming competition being run on social media outlet Fyassbewk. Phil McCracken has made his own suggestion for a name stating “Well I do think that the Maryport Death Star is pretty apt, you can totally see Coun McCarron-Holmes as a shoe in for Emperor Palpatine, but we all know what it really should be called - The Kendall Ball-Gag.”