“WE’RE GONNA BUILD A STADIUM AND THE TAXPAYER’S GONNA PAY FOR IT”

SELF-ADULATING RUGBY ENTHUSIAST Coun Mark Fryer This Week led the defence of the controversial Workington Jam Factory Community Stadium declaring in a Trumpian fashion “We’re gonna build a stadium and whose gonna pay for it? That’s right. Taxpayers are gonna pay for it.”

The shock revelation that no matter which way you look at it the taxpayer is going to have to swallow the full £100 million price-tag for the financial settlement has led to accusations that the Labour-led Allerdale executive are incredulous when it comes to screwing the hard-working taxpayer to fund their own concrete and steel penis extensions.

“Cockermothians, Sillothites and Keswickians are the ones that are going to pay for this modern acropolis. The doleites from Workington and Maryport won’t be footing the bill, but get all the benefit. Once again Allerdale are screwing over the rural areas.” laments token Tory landowner Lord Cecil DeFontmontgomery.

But there has been rallying support for Coun Fryer from the local branch of West Cumbria Momentum who said in a statement “The new Workington Stadium is only possible after the Labour led administration secured blue-chip tenants to form part of the stadium proposal. Sellafield and the NHS will be moving in and will pay for the development with no liability placed on the council tax payer.”

When highlighted that Sellafield and the NHS are still funded through taxation, Momentum were indignant saying “The real issue here isn’t who is paying for the stadium. It is what it represents - modernity, rugby league, the never ending reliance this area has on the satisfying teat of public sector jobs, socialism, the expected average attendance of 243 people per match - this is truly a scheme that is for the few, not the many.”

Spokespeople from the various political parties were all flooding The Cockermouth Standard’s email account with statements regarding this story, but in the great tradition of cutting-edge journalism we have decided to only provide a platform to the most idiotic of the four.

Coun Stephen “Spit-the-Dog” Stoddart from the Moorclose First Party (in no way affiliated with blatant racists Britain First, them BNP days are well behind Coun Stoddart), stated “They should have built that stadium at Moorclose. The Labour mafia running Allerdale will get what’s coming to them in the May elections. The people are behind us. Moorclose Forever! Freedom for Moorclose! Moorclose Brexit!”

A spokesperson for Allerdale Borough Council was unavailable for comment saying “Look will you just leave us alone about this stadium. We know it’s a ridiculous idea but we are all so terrified of saying anything other than to support it. Please leave us alone. I think I can hear him coming....”